5.9 (March 19)

 1 year and 9 days ago, on June 15th, 2022, I did something I previously thought impossible. I got a girlfriend. Today, on June 24th, 2023, She broke up with me. To say this has me devastated is an understatement. This was my second relationship, but the only I consider successful, with the previous one lasting only a single month. I had learned so much during our relationship, not only about her but also about myself. This was the first time I ever felt comfortable truly opening up to someone. She was one of the very few people who I knew I could share anything with, good or bad. Whenever I was feeling down, I’d go to her. Anytime I couldn’t sleep, I’d think of her and I’d be out in minutes. During every minute of the day, I’d be thinking of her. Now, I’m not sure. I know there will be some sleepless nights coming up, and I know that I’m not going to be the person I was for awhile. This comes shortly after I wrote my English Diploma Essay, where I extensively talked about her and every little thing she has done to make me who I am. This also comes  9 days after our first anniversary, a day that I had been looking forward to for months. As a gift I had originally wanted to give her my old Apple Watch, but I ended up damaging it, so I couldn’t give it to her. I still wanted to give her a watch, so I ended up buying a new one for her. I thought this would be a great gift, so we could do more stuff together. I think this is where I messed up. Today she gave it back to me and said that she felt she wasn’t able to give to me in the same way I was giving to her, not just in the physical gift sense but also in the emotional sense. This is the part that hurts the most. By trying to do my best as a boyfriend, I made her feel like less of a girlfriend. That was obviously never my intention, but it’s what ended up happening. I’m not going to post this blog to WhatsApp, so I know most people won’t see this, and I’m okay with that. To those of you who do see this though, I want you to now that I’ll be okay. It will absolutely take some time, I’m not sure how much, but I will be okay in the end.

And Dana if you somehow manage to see this, I’m sorry I made you feel this way.