5.9 (March 19)

 1 year and 9 days ago, on June 15th, 2022, I did something I previously thought impossible. I got a girlfriend. Today, on June 24th, 2023, She broke up with me. To say this has me devastated is an understatement. This was my second relationship, but the only I consider successful, with the previous one lasting only a single month. I had learned so much during our relationship, not only about her but also about myself. This was the first time I ever felt comfortable truly opening up to someone. She was one of the very few people who I knew I could share anything with, good or bad. Whenever I was feeling down, I’d go to her. Anytime I couldn’t sleep, I’d think of her and I’d be out in minutes. During every minute of the day, I’d be thinking of her. Now, I’m not sure. I know there will be some sleepless nights coming up, and I know that I’m not going to be the person I was for awhile. This comes shortly after I wrote my English Diploma Essay, where I extensively talked about her and every little thing she has done to make me who I am. This also comes  9 days after our first anniversary, a day that I had been looking forward to for months. As a gift I had originally wanted to give her my old Apple Watch, but I ended up damaging it, so I couldn’t give it to her. I still wanted to give her a watch, so I ended up buying a new one for her. I thought this would be a great gift, so we could do more stuff together. I think this is where I messed up. Today she gave it back to me and said that she felt she wasn’t able to give to me in the same way I was giving to her, not just in the physical gift sense but also in the emotional sense. This is the part that hurts the most. By trying to do my best as a boyfriend, I made her feel like less of a girlfriend. That was obviously never my intention, but it’s what ended up happening. I’m not going to post this blog to WhatsApp, so I know most people won’t see this, and I’m okay with that. To those of you who do see this though, I want you to now that I’ll be okay. It will absolutely take some time, I’m not sure how much, but I will be okay in the end.

And Dana if you somehow manage to see this, I’m sorry I made you feel this way.

5.8 (March 12)

At last years Tiger Challenge, I was one of the judges for the kids. I didn't judge the adults because I was competing with them due to a lack of black belts that signed up to compete. This year, a lot more signed up so we were able to have our own division. That means I was able to have my first full day of judging. This came with a lot more pressure than I realized. On one of my first rounds of the day, I meant to put up a 6.5 score. What I put up at first was a 6.6, raising an extra finger. Then I put up a 6.9, forgetting that my other hand was up and raising more fingers. Not the best way to start the day. After a few more rounds, the nerves of judging finally started to go away, and I didn't make any more scoring mistakes after that. This was a really good experience for me over all, and one that I look forward to in the next Tiger Challenge.

5.7 (March 5)

 We're always told to never compare ourselves to the person next to us, but to the person we were yesterday. I took that a little bit farther, and compared myself to the person I was a year ago. At last years Tiger Challenge, I earned two bronze medals, both of which were in divisions with only three people, meaning I had to at least get 3rd. This year I earned two bronze, and one silver. This year, there was more3 Black Belts competing, which means all the divisions I was in had more than three people. To me, this showed that I had improved a decent amount since last year, but I still had a ways to go. The division that surprised me the most was the continuous sparring division, one that I have never entered in before. I did a lot better than I thought I would, considering I was a rookie in that format. This was the division I ended up finishing second, giving me the silver medal. Sparring hasn't been my strongest skill for awhile, but I think that might be due to only ever competing in point sparring. Now that I have entered and placed in continuous, my sparring confidence is starting to climb back up. This is giving me high hopes for next year, and how I'll do then. Overall, I'm glad I entered in what I did, because everything that I did taught me a little bit more.

5.6 (February 26)

Last weeks Spring Cleaning was something that I've missed doing the past few years, and now that we've started to do it as a school again, I'm seeing all the benefits that come from it. The biggest benefit for me was team building. My group included Toudai Thelwall, Toudai Repay, and my father, we've all known each other on the mats for a while now, but doing this as a group helped us build a bond that we wouldn't have been able to during class time. I think part of the reason that I've struggled to fulfill my requirements the past few years is because I haven't been able to build the same level of bond as easily due to the pandemic. Now that we're back to doing things in public as a team again however, I believe that a whole lot of things are going to come a lot easier for me.

5.5 (February 19)

 About a month ago I injured my shoulder during class. I was holding the bags during the Level II Teen/Adults class and on the very last one I put my arms up a fraction of a second too late and it ended in injury. Over the next few weeks it slowly got better, but it took a lot of effort to not use my shoulder as much. I think it gave me a new perspective on how much I use my shoulders during a form, because as soon as I would put any ‘power’ through it, it would hurt. This is one of the few times where I’d say an injury has been extremely helpful for my Kung Fu.

5.4 (February 12)

 I Am Quiet

    Being quiet is something I've come to develop over time, and it has both it's advantages and disadvantages. Being quiet can come in handy when I'm talking to someone about something serious, as I'm usually able to find the voice that fits the situation perfectly. It also works to somewhat shock some people when I speak up or raise my voice, as they're usually used to me not saying much, and if I do it's very low and somber-like. One of the places that being quiet isn't that helpful is when I'm teaching, especially teaching the kids. Kids get distracted very easily, so to keep their attention on you while teaching you have to make your voice 'fun'. The key to doing that is by changing the pattern, inflection, loudness, etc. frequently to keep them engaged in what you're saying. I really struggle at this, as it seems like my voice only has three different modes: quiet, loud, and louder. Not ideal, but oh well. Every week, I try to work on making my voice better at keeping attention, and it's definitely a slow process. I would like to somewhat move away from being a quiet person, but not entirely, as it's upsides can be very useful at times.

5.3 (February 5)

    Transferring a weapon form to another weapon is something that I've always liked doing, whether it was with the stick form with nun-chucks, or a sword form with a stick. I've just found it fun to do, and a good way to make me think about how a form works. That's what I'm doing this year for my weapon form. I am taking my stick form from last year and reworking it into a cane form. This one has proven to be more difficult, but not in the way I thought it would be. I thought it would be difficult to translate some of the moves over, but that's not giving me much trouble. The difficult part is getting the moves to look like they fit with the cane, as I can do them just fine, but they look out of place with a cane. The biggest spot in my form that this is apparent is near the middle, where I have the "strike-cross step-block" section from stick III. I have been told that it looks weird when doing it with a cane, so I have been trying to find something different to replace it with while still being able to finish off the form in the same way. I have come up with a move, but it seems to end up in a different stance every time I do it, so I'm not too sure if it's going to stay.